apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
