so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
