I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
