We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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