Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
