I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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