I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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