I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
