i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
