I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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