I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I cut my penus on the lid.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I want her autograph on my taint
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
