I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
