Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Everclear isn't food dammit
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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