If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
