you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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