if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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