I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
