So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
