Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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