the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
