I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
