I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize