So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
