I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Couch. On fire.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
