i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
