you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize