Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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