we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
