Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize