she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
