I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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