when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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