just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
