I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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