:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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