Got a toothbrush?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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