matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
