Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
