you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
