I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
