I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
