Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
