Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
