I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
