And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
