I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my shit smells like andre
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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