I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
