You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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