Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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