What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Let's get the cat blown out
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
