he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
