the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
