He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
