He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
