Porn is love you can see.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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