I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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