I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think a kid would responsible me up
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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