Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
