I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
