Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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