dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
