i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
