Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
