my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
