Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
