No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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