i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
