I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
