I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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