Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
