U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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