You're so nebulous sometimes
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
