yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
