Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
