Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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