Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
