What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
