You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
