I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
